God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
