My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
