Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
