please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
