I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
