Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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