can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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