It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
