Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
