I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
