I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
