I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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