Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
