I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
