Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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