ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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