Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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