I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
