Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
