I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found your dick twin last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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