In the future we'll all be gay
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
