we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
