Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
