The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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