Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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