Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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