By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
