i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize