I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize