Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
