I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
