I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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