The best revenge is premature balding
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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