does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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