Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
