Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize