So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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