I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Umm I'm too high to move.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
