she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
