i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
