i think my mom watched the whole time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How external is "for external use only"?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
