best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This baby is an asshole
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
