i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
