Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I need moral support for this bender
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
