Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
