Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
