I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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