she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
