ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
