Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
