Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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