god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm getting married
To pizza
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
