Got a toothbrush?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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