I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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