I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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