we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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