Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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