I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Be still, my beating vagina.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize