Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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