White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
