he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
