yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
