I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
