I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
