wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
