Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
