walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
